01.28.2011
Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens…
- Winter, Little Earthquakes (1992)
I don’t really wear mittens. I wear gloves. Well, sort of weird muppet gloves with no fingers. You know, so I can still use my phone and not drop things. And anyway, I didn’t forget them, I was wearing them the whole time. But I did forget my hat. Actually, I didn’t even forget it, I had just decided not to bring it. I didn’t know it would snow.
Snow it did, though. Snow is an understatement. The blizzard came on hard, and fast, and around and up and sideways and with lightning even. Apparently the snow does NOT wait when you neglect your winter bundlements at home, it doesn’t consider your donning a hat and gloves an invitation. It’s not malicious, or even impolite really, it just doesn’t care.
And as hard as it was to try and walk in the whiteout - from the studio in midtown to the subway, then again from the subway to the home - I couldn’t help but smile. It’s amazing what the world can do. It’s amazing to be out in the middle of a surprise blizzard, with snow so heavy it knocks over trees, and ice that pelts your face, and wind that could bowl you over, to not be able to see a foot in front of your face even. Something about being able to see it, to feel it, to really be alive and be IN it…
The snow doesn’t wait for mittens, hats, anything. But even without them, there’s something beautiful about a blizzard.
01.8.2011
…the grapefruit is winning.
- Space Dog, Under The Pink (1994)
I’m eating peanut butter. I shouldn’t be. Definitely shouldn’t be. Even though it’s the super healthy crunchy peanut butter made of nothing but peanuts and salt. It’s too many calories. And I have to win this ‘Biggest Loser’ weight loss challenge. Not that there’s prizes or money involved; I just like to win things. And it would be nice to be thin. I am not doing all this yoga for nothing.
I got rid of the junk in the fridge. I mean my junk anyway. My roommates still have boxes and boxes of chocolate from India (they swear it’s better than the chocolate here. It’s mostly Kit Kat bars. Indian Kit Kat bars). But my shelf is spinach - so much spinach! - and apples and pears and yes, even a grapefruit.
I’m ignoring the box of my fave candy bars that just came in the mail. It was a gift. I feel bad ignoring it. It’s wasteful. But it’s junk food. Bad for me. If it was a box of apples I’d be all over it, and let’s be honest, normally I’d have eaten at least three candy bars by now (the box has been in my apartment roughly ten minutes), but nope. Biggest Loser Challenge. Tuesday is weigh-in day.
Wednesday though, ohhhh Wednesday is cheat day! Or cheat dinner anyway. I’ll still behave for lunch and breakfast (meaning I’ll have coffee and protein shakes). But dinner? Sauteed spinach, tater tots, and cheesecake. And a goddam cocktail.
New year, new you? I don’t believe in that. But I do believe in winning.
01.1.2011
…another year, I was here.
- Gold Dust, Scarlett’s Walk (2002)
I sat on the couch last night with Zach, well, actually we sat on two seperate couches (we have a three-couch setup in the living room). Anyway, we were watching Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper make each other uncomfortable on live television for the last hour of 2010 while Cindy slept off the jet-lag from her flight back from India.
“So, you have any new year’s resolutions?” Zach asked.
I pursed my lips and wrinkled my forehead. “Nah,” I answered, “Resolutions are stupid.”
Well they are.
“I don’t like to set myself up for disappointment,” I continue, “and besides, you can make a resolution at any time, not JUST the new year.”
“Yeah,” he said, “I agree.”
I mean, I make AT LEAST 15-20 ‘resolutions’ EVERY DAY that I can’t manage to keep overnight until the next day. Most fizzle out within an hour. If I can’t keep my resolve for a day what would ever make me think I could keep it for a year?
No.
And really, what is ‘new year’ anyway? Just another day in an arbitrary system of time created by man. Who the fuck cares. Why are we partying? As far as I’m concerned, the ‘new year’ holiday was created as a moneymaking scheme by the manufacturers of oversize novelty hats. Fuck it. You can all stay out partying all night and ‘resolving’ things til you lose your voices, and probably your phones and wallets too, and have to play a terrible game of vomit hopscotch all the way home.
I’ll be here on the couch - one of three! - watching a comedian and a newscaster interact awkwardly over the airwaves, thinking about how it’s never really any different.
12.16.2010
I will follow her on her path…
- Scarlett’s Walk, Scarlett’s Walk (2002)
The journey begins January 1, 2011. Follow me on the path.
